Even though it has taken us a year and a half to find this house with a variety of real estate fiascos along the way, I'd been feeling like this house purchase was going wonderfully smoothly - a sign that we are doing the right thing. I mean, I've heard the stories about the hell people go through buying a house and I'm sure that you have too, if you haven't actually lived it.

Well, the shit hit the fan this week. I am exhausted. I am anxious. I am hunched over with a furrowed brow all day long. I am planning my next move, strategizing, trying to anticipate what else can go wrong in a game I've never played before. I don't know what the rules are until I've found out I've fucked them up.

This is all tedious and boring and has a lot of cursing. I wouldn't blame you for not reading it and just posting a sympathetic comment.

First there was this thing with the appraisal. Well, we got another appraisal that came in right where we needed it. I was calling the mortgage broker on Friday to find out if they had recieved it. They didn't have it in the office yet, but assured me that the value came in where it needed to. We were on Long Island that day and called our broker. She informed us that the sellers had given us an ultimatum: if we didn't close by the 21st, they were packing it up and going to Florida and they would put the house back on the market in the spring. Fuck. More stress. And Monday was a holiday, so we had a three day weekend to carry that around.

On Tuesday I spoke to my attorney, who is the shining light of this transaction. He has a list of things I need to complete the mortgage application: a letter saying that Steve doesn't have a business certificate because he just does business under his own name, a letter explaining why our credit is not so great, a pest inspection and proof of treatment, cancelled rent checks for 12 months. I am pissed off that I have to do this stuff now. Why wasn't this cleared up weeks ago? Why is my attorney having to relate this to me? I had spoken to the mortgage broker half an hour before and she told me everything was fine. I've been making a point to call her every single day. I blow up a little about the pest treatment. Am I going to sink more money into this house if they are threatening to up and leave in a week? My attorney doesn't know what I am talking about. I thought my broker had informed him of the threat but she hadn't. So after I explained, he looks up the date we are required to have a mortgage commitment. It is the 15th, Friday. We are obligated to have the mortgage commitment by Friday and unless we don't have that, they are obligated to complete the transaction. So now the race is to get the mortgage by Friday.

The last I had heard about the pest treatment (very little evidence of powder post beetles was found) was that we were putting it in the contract even though the sellers had left us some convoluded message about refusing to treat for the termites in the barn - there are no termites in the barn. I thought that they had signed it. I found out yesterday that they crossed it out. My atty says that he remembers discussing this with me but I do not think that he did. I like him too much to fault him for it. I am scrambling to get the treatment done.

The rent checks are a problem. We have about 8 scattered month's worth - partially because we are disorganized and partially because we sometims paid with cash or a money order. We had discussed this with the mortgage broker in the beginning. She whispered into the phone yesterday to buy a book of rent reciepts and write ourselves some. We did and it made both of us nervous. I have no guarantee that it will be acceptable.

Today I drove an hour to my mortgage broker's office to drop off all of the silly things. She needed another silly thing: a handwritten letter from Steve explaining where his income comes from. I wrote it and signed his name. If I worked we would be screwed in this.

After I got home I got a call from my atty's office. I have to get a binder for homeowner's insurance. I say, "but he (the atty) told me that that gets done after we have a closing date." She says, "this mortgage company wants it before they grant the mortgage." GAH! I call USAA and they tell me that a sales person will call me back within 24 hours. What else can I do?

So are you ready for the kicker? I get a call from the mortgage broker at 4:00. The appraisal hasn't come in because they haven't been paid. Well, I don't have a bill! I call the appraisal company. Apparently the bank told them they were sending a check. When the appraisal company didn't get it, they called back and the bank told them that I had to send the check since I ordered the appraisal. So at 4:30 I am running to to post office to overnight a check to the appraisal company - another thing that should have been cleared up days ago.

There is a liquor store next to the post office, but I am such a nerd that I don't know WHAT to drink.