A few days ago I raked my finger against one of the beams in this old barn grabbing something that was leaning up against it. I immediately pulled a big splinter out of my fingertip. It continued to ache and an hour later I realized that I had the tiniest splinter completely under my fingernail. The pain was minor so I just let it be. I did yoga that night with no problem.

The next day I started to think about what would have to be done about it. I tried to pull it out with tweezers, but the little bit that was accessible broke off and I didn't have the right kind of tweezers to really get under there. I cut my nail down to the quick, but it was buried completely in the pink. It still didn't hurt much so I left it alone. I believed in the body's ability to take care of itself and I thought it would work its way out.

That night, as I lay in bed, it hurt. But the next day, it seemed better.

I started to worry. When I was in high school, I slammed my thumb in a car door and blood built up under my fingernail. I lived with it for almost 24 hours until I got to a doctor and with a quick poke of a cauterizer, a hole in my thumbnail let the blood out. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. Fingertips are absolutely filled with nerve endings.

Yesterday, I noticed it was starting to swell and hurt more. This morning, I knew something would have to be done. I took Aidan to a birthday party and couldn't stop thinking about the sensation in my finger. I came home and played host for an hour to my brother-in-law and his parents from the Netherlands, who wanted to see the barn. I mentioned it over coffee. They all agreed it would have to come out, that it would hurt, and that it wasn't going to happen on its own. They started speaking in Dutch about how bad it was. By now I could see that there was pus building up not only under my nail but all around it in my fingertip. I tuned down my brother in law's offer to get it out for me. I knew I didn't have the right kind of tweezers and he was talking about using a needle sterilized in a flame. He is a ruthless do-it-yourselfer.

As soon as they left I knew I needed to get it out tonight. I told Aidan that mama's finger hurt and we needed to go to the store to get tweezers. "Ohhh, mama hurt?", he said, sympathetically. He was then cooperative on a miraculous level. On the 15-minute drive to Eckerd's I was working out wild worst-case scenarios in my head and trying to figure out what friend's house I could go over to tonight in case I decided I couldn't perform the operation myself. Eckerd's had closed 15 minutes before I got there. It took me a few panicked minutes to think of Wal-Mart as an option. As we parked in the giant Wal-Mart parking lot I told Aidan that we weren't getting any toys. He got pouty for a minute and then agreed (this has been a tremendous problem for us lately) and didn't whisper a word about wanting anything the whole time we were in there. I bought sharp tweezers, sharp fingernail cutting scissors, gauze, surgical tape, alcohol and hydrogen peroxide. I couldn't stand the thought of getting home and not having something I needed. On the way home, Aidan fell asleep and I thought scared thoughts and kicked myself for not getting the splinter out before my finger became puffy and painful. How could I think that my body could get a splinter out from under my fingernail all by itself?

When I got home, I laid my sleeping boy on the sofa and spread out my new surgical supplies on the kitchen table. I thought I would get everything opened and ready in case I started bleeding profusely. The new tweezers were just too enticing though and without even dipping them in alcohol, I reached under my nail with them. A small bit of pus surprised me and I could see the splinter move freely under my nail. It wasn't even in my skin and the pus had caused my nail to separate from the skin. I had the splinter out in a second, completely painlessly. My body had taken care of it, in it's own way and although it needed a little help, it was miles away from the scenario that my fears had created.

I'm feeling right now like the splinter is a metaphor for all the hell that broke loose for us on Thursday. Our fears make things so much worse than they need to be and things really do work themselves out if you just put forth a little bit of effort.

Now you know that Aidan is fast asleep when I can write such a long post about a silly splinter.