It was easy to write when I was stuck upstairs that first two weeks. It's been impossible since.

I felt so awful after Will was born. I kept wondering how long it would last, because I didn't feel so bad after Aidan's birth. There was one night that Steve wasn't home and Aidan wanted me to play trains with him. All I could do was stand there to keep him company because I couldn't get down on the floor. I was holding the baby and just that much exertion had me in tears. At about two weeks, Steve took Aidan to his mom's house for the weekend and I finally started to feel all right. Now, four weeks later, I feel just fine - and actually better than I felt with Aidan over the long run. I'm just about 25lbs too heavy, but I don't think that's anything that a little yoga and gardening and a lot of nursing won't fix.

Becoming a brother has been a huge adjustment for Aidan. I hadn't given it nearly enough consideration before the event. I think it's on par with becoming a parent when your first child is born. It's a paradigm shift. Aidan was reacting really negatively and just wasn't himself. I have always loved being with him and enjoyed him as a person, but there was some time there when I was wondering what happened to my sweet boy. It was heartbreaking. I felt like I was yelling at him all the time. I wondered if it was him or me.

My relationship to him changed almost instantly. He suddenly looked so huge to me. I find myself staring at him and marveling at the size of his ears and feet and eyeballs. How did he get so big? And when? The past nine months are a blur - a time of temporary situations that transitioned into permanent changes. There is this fog that comes with pregnancy. Now the fog has cleared and my boy has changed so much that I hardly recognize him. Before I got pregnant I could sit him on my lap and put his socks on. Now his legs are too long. Something about that makes me so sad.

About a week ago he started to seem like himself again. Now when we go to bed, he asks, "can we talk before we go to sleep?". Sometimes not much is said but sometimes we have intense conversations. Around the same time, Will started to unfold and seem more like a real person and less like an adorable extra-terrestrial.

Spring is here and we're finally getting to the point where we can do things with the house and the yard. We'll have all of our stuff out of storage by Sunday. It's time to really start creating our home and our lives and that includes both deciding on paint colors for the hallway and becoming conscious of the new relationships in our family.

And some pics for the relatives: Here's Will with Uncle Will and Wes with Will (Will has both peed on the bed and spit up on the dog here) and Superman, I mean Aidan, with Will.